The present invention describes systems and methods to provide programmable analog classifiers. An exemplary embodiment of the present invention provides an analog classifier circuit comprising a bump circuit enabled to store a template vector, wherein the template vector can model a probability distribution with exponential behavior. Furthermore, the bump circuit is enabled to generate an output corresponding to a comparison between an input vector received by the bump circuit and the template vector stored by the bump circuit. Additionally, the analog classifier circuit includes a variable gain amplifier in communication with the bump circuit, and the variable gain amplifier can be adjusted to modify the variance of the template vector.